Adornments by Lynn

Today is yet another cold, blustery February day. We’ve had lotsof snow and ice this winter and I’m ready for Spring! So I tracked down some quotes about it:

The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.
- Henry Van Dyke, 1852 - 1933

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore, 1861 - 1941

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.
- Robert Brault

I usually don’t pay much attention to the many joke emails that go around. After all, it seems like the same twenty or so just keep making the rounds. But then today, I got this one. It’s hilarious! Enjoy:

• Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
• Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
• If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.
• As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
• Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
• Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
• If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
• Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
• Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season!

holiday, food, humor

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. ~~ H. L. Mencken

One of my fellow B5 bloggers, Ingrid Diaz, sent me an email with this in the signature:

“There are two types of people in the world: those who are good with words, and those who … erm … thingie.”

I laughed out loud!  Thanks for the smile, Ingrid!

I was just sent this cute animated holiday message and thought it would be great to share. You can view it here. 

 Happy Holidays!! 

Well, tomorrow I have to go back to work after a week off for Thanksgiving. I have to say, it was a much-needed break. And to share the enjoyment, here are some quotes about time off:

“There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.” ~~ Mary Wilson Little

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” ~~ Edgar Bergen

“No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.” ~~ Elbert Hubbard

Have a great day! 

I have the unfortunate luck to live in one of those highly critical states where the political ads, door-knockers with brochures and recorded phone messages have been driving everyone crazy for weeks.  I for one, will be happy when the election is over. This is just disgusting.

To try to bring some levity to the day, here are some great political and election-related quotes. 

“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.” ~~ Douglas Adams

“Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.” ~~ George Burns

“I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.” ~~ Al McGuire

“An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.” ~~ Simon Cameron

“Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.” ~~ Richard M. Nixon

“In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.” ~~ Napoleon Bonaparte

“The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.” ~~ Art Spander

“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” ~~ Henry Cate VII

“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.” ~~ Bertrand Russell

“Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it’s just the opposite.” ~~ John Kenneth Galbraith

“Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.” ~~ Kin Hubbard

“Oh, I don’t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I’d be irresponsible, too.” ~~ Lichty and Wagner

“Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.” ~~ Mark B. Cohen

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.” ~~ Ambrose Bierce

“When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’” ~~ Theodore Roosevelt

A fellow Blogjolter just posted this.  You’ll love it! 

Isn’t this one adorable?

UPDATE! this just in –> check out these hysterical cats too! 

You really MUST go read this blog’s post! I am still chuckling! 

You won’t believe this! You really have to see it!